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By Marcus Thorne, Botanical Designer and Sympathy Gifting Consultant
When someone passes away, the immediate influx of support often takes the form of cut flowers. The funeral home is filled with elaborate standing sprays, casket covers, and wreaths. These arrangements are stunning, appropriate, and necessary for the formal service. However, in the days following the funeral, as the cut flowers inevitably wilt and must be discarded, the grieving family is often left facing a quiet, empty house.
As a botanical designer who specializes in sympathy gifting, I frequently advise clients to consider an alternative that extends beyond the day of the service: the living sympathy plant.
While a funeral flower arrangement is designed for immediate, dramatic impact at the service, a sympathy plant is designed for longevity. It is sent directly to the family's home, providing a quiet, ongoing presence of life and growth during the long, difficult months of grieving. This guide explores the psychological benefits of giving a living plant and how to select the right variety for a grieving family.
The period of acute grief following a funeral is often characterized by a profound sense of emptiness and a disruption of normal routines. A living plant introduces a gentle, necessary routine back into the home.
A Symbol of Endurance: Cut flowers, by their nature, are temporary. They represent the fleeting beauty of life. A potted plant, however, represents endurance, resilience, and the continuation of life. Watching a plant put out new leaves or bloom again months after the loss can be a powerful, comforting reminder that life goes on.
The Therapy of Caretaking: Grief often leaves people feeling helpless. The simple act of watering a plant, wiping its leaves, or moving it to catch the morning sun provides a small, manageable task. This minor act of caretaking can be surprisingly therapeutic, offering a brief moment of focus and agency in an otherwise overwhelming day.
A Lasting Memorial: Many families choose to plant the sympathy gifts they receive in their own gardens, creating a permanent, living memorial to their loved one. A rose bush, a hydrangea, or a small tree can become a sacred space in the yard where the family can go to reflect and remember.
When selecting a sympathy plant, the most important consideration is the level of care it requires. A grieving family does not need a high-maintenance diva of a plant that will die if the humidity drops by five percent. You must choose varieties that are forgiving, resilient, and visually comforting.
The Peace Lily (Spathiphyllum): This is the undisputed classic of sympathy plants, and for good reason. It features beautiful, dark green foliage and elegant, white, flag-like blooms that symbolize peace and rebirth. More importantly, it is incredibly communicative. When it needs water, it will dramatically droop, but it bounces back completely within hours of being watered. It thrives in lower light conditions, making it perfect for indoors.
The Phalaenopsis Orchid: If you want to send something that feels elegant and luxurious, the white Phalaenopsis (moth) orchid is exceptional. While orchids have a reputation for being difficult, this specific variety is actually quite hardy. Its stunning blooms can last for months, providing long-term visual beauty.
The ZZ Plant (Zamioculcas zamiifolia): If you know the family lacks a "green thumb," or if they will be traveling frequently to settle an estate, the ZZ plant is the perfect choice. It is virtually indestructible. It requires very little light and only needs watering every few weeks. Its glossy, vibrant leaves offer a constant presence of life with almost zero effort.
Outdoor Memorial Plants: If you know the family has a garden, sending a plant intended for outdoor planting is a beautiful gesture. Hydrangeas, azaleas, or small blooming trees (like a dogwood or a Japanese maple) can be planted in the yard as a permanent tribute.
Unlike formal funeral sprays, sympathy plants should generally not be sent to the funeral home. Funeral directors must transport all the floral tributes from the funeral home to the graveside or the family's residence after the service. Large, heavy potted plants add significant logistical difficulty to this process.
Instead, a sympathy plant delivery should be directed to the family's home. It is perfectly acceptable—and often preferred—to send the plant a week or two after the funeral. The initial rush of support has usually subsided by this point, and the arrival of a beautiful, living plant serves as a gentle reminder that you are still thinking of them.
Grief is not a process that ends when the funeral service concludes; it is a long, evolving journey. By choosing to send a living sympathy plant, you are providing a gift that honors that journey. It is a gesture that says, "I know the hard work of grieving is just beginning, and I want you to have this symbol of life and resilience to keep you company." At Rest in Blooms, we source only the healthiest, most resilient plants, ensuring your gift of living comfort thrives for years to come.
Marcus Thorne is a botanical designer who consults on the psychological benefits of indoor plants. He specializes in curating meaningful, long-lasting botanical gifts for difficult life transitions.
If you have received a sympathy plant and are unsure how to care for it, here is a brief guide for the most common varieties.
Peace Lily: Place in a spot with indirect light, away from direct sun. Water when the top inch of soil is dry, or when the leaves begin to slightly droop. It prefers consistent moisture but not waterlogged soil. Feed with a balanced liquid fertilizer once a month during spring and summer.
ZZ Plant: This is the most forgiving plant you can own. Place anywhere with low to medium indirect light. Water only when the soil is completely dry, which may be as infrequently as every three to four weeks. It stores water in its thick rhizomes, making it nearly impossible to kill through neglect.
Phalaenopsis Orchid: Place in bright, indirect light (an east-facing window is ideal). Water by soaking the pot in water for fifteen minutes once a week, then allowing it to drain completely. After the blooms fall, do not discard the plant. Cut the flower spike just above a node and continue caring for it; it will often rebloom within six to twelve months.
The beauty of a sympathy plant is that it grows and evolves alongside the family's grief. In the first weeks, it is a symbol of support and community. In the months that follow, as new leaves unfurl and the plant thrives, it becomes a quiet symbol of resilience. Years later, if planted in a garden, it becomes a permanent, living memorial. At Rest in Blooms, we are proud to offer a curated selection of the most meaningful and resilient sympathy plants, ensuring your gesture of comfort endures long after the flowers have faded.
With seamless coordination and trusted local florists, we ensure every tribute is thoughtfully crafted and delivered with care—right where it’s needed, when it matters most.